One of the hardest things I had to do on a professional level was to come out of my cave. Not a literal cave of course, but the image fits nicely. When I began coaching years ago I worked out of this cave. To the right of the opening I hung my professional coaching credentials and declared myself open for business. And into my cave I’d invite people to come and sit with me for a while. I loved my cave, and I loved coaching in my cave.
As an introvert who generally prefers the intimacy of the 1-1 conversation, my cave also sheltered me from the hustle and bustle of the world outside. Occasionally I would venture forth to make new contacts, present a proposal, and solicit new clients, but for the most part I could stay in my cave and do what I loved to do most. And best of all, from the shelter and security of my cave, I could limit how visible I was in the world.
For a number of years this model worked very well. I built up a comfortable coaching practice and prospered in my cave. But then something shifted. I had an extraordinary desire to expand my work beyond the limits of my cave. Of course this engendered no small amount of fear and soul searching, in part because it was so darn comfortable to stay put. To expand my work beyond my cave meant that I would need to not only step outside more frequently, but I’d have to find ways to be seen by more and more people. In short, I’d have to become far more visible.
Yikes.
I’ll be honest, I also hesitated because I wasn’t enamored with what I saw happening outside my cave, on the information superhighway that had been built in front. What I saw was an incalculable number of people all competing to be seen and heard. From the doorway of my cave, I could see this massive freeway of roaring, zooming traffic, and all along the sides of the freeway were people holding up placards in all shapes and sizes, with lights and horns and bells and whistles, offering free goodies and instant pleasures, sizeable lists and untold riches, and the wisdom of the world in 21 days. Some of it was truly amazing; much of it was whatever the opposite of amazing is.
Is this what it would take to expand my work in the world? Would I have to stand on the side of that superhighway with my placard (which at the time was a piece of cardboard with the words “I’d love to coach you” written in black marker) and try to get some semblance of attention from those whose attention was already drawn to the thousands of other messages scrolling by? Say it ain’t so.
Disconcerted, I went back into my cave and did some more soul searching. Did I really want to participate in that scramble for attention? Did I really want to use the bells and whistles and horn-tooting tactics that the online experts were saying had made them successful and I’d be too if I just did what they did? Just standing next to the superhighway made me feel uneasy, like my soul was being sucked dry. I stand for the affirmation of life at its deepest level, how can participating in this endless stream of chatter and blitz support that?
After some time (with the help of good coaching of course) my concerns came down to two core issues: if I was to become an active participant alongside the superhighway, could I remain authentic and true to myself, and the essence of my work? And more importantly, if I was to become more visible and transparent in this way, would I be safe? Being authentic in the way I knew I needed to be felt like standing stark naked on a street in New York. What would people think of me? What would happen to me?
What I have observed about the Internet and its social media platforms is that it is often used as a means for putting up a false or partial image of self. On the Internet, you can be whoever you want to be. And it’s relatively easy to built up an idealized image and project that image online. What is not so easy is to be deeply authentic and transparent: to reveal the essence of Who You Are and what your life stands for when stripped away of the need to “be seen as…”.
My hesitancy in expanding my work into the world by participating and leveraging the Internet and the social media movement was just that: who would I be seen as? Would I be okay? In my soul I knew any increase in my visibility had to connect with the expression of my most authentic self. And yet I had no experience doing that. Never had I “stood naked in New York,” and no way of knowing what people would think or whether I would be safe if I did. My cave was safe, and it was working. It was just this incredibly powerful impulse to be about my life’s work in a much bigger way that was calling me to the highway’s edge.
The beauty about the inner call is that there is only one way to satisfy it: commit your life to it and move forward through fear and doubt. That is the heroic journey. How the superhighway is used and who is doing what on the roadside is not the issue; it was my own fear of being seen for Who I Am and revealing what I stand for at its most authentic level. I do believe that becoming visible in this way is the journey for all coaches. Less surface, less styling, less image crafting, less needing to be seen as successful or polished.
We are living in the age of transparency. People are tiring of the smoke screens and increasingly standing for authentic self expression, because deep down we know that truth will lead us in the direction of positive change and our greatest potential. This is the essence of coaching, and all of us coaches can lead the way by stepping out of whatever cave of comfort we have created, out of whatever persona we have crafted for the world to see, and modeling authentic, transparent living online and off. For when we bring the truth of who we are to the world, it becomes its own kind of placard. Very few dare to stand naked in New York.
Comments 31
Thank you Leon for bringing this up. it is totally true for me: the question of running my coaching practice out of the cave vs coming out and standing exposed and transparent. Do what I say vs look at my life and take whatever suits you.
How did your coming out happen? What exactly did you do to become naked in NY?
Author
There is much that went into the process for me, because it was part of a larger life transformational journey I was on. The call to stand clear in the world about who I am and what I am about was so great, that there really was no other way. As I committed to it at my deepest levels, and proclaimed to “the universe” in a big way that I was to be about this work, things simply began to align to that choice and intention.
The blocks which needed to be attended to would appear in front of me–often as a struggle–and simultaneously inspired ideas and opportunities for doing my work as I desired also began to appear. My biggest, boldest (and equally fear inducing) step was opening and publicly launching the School of Light & Life (www.schooloflightandlife.com). It was like a massive declaration of all that I stood for, and all that I aspired to create in and for the people of the world.
With the opening of the school, I also began to let go of work opportunities that were no longer aligned to that vision. This was also hard, because financially I had been dependant on those streams of income for sometime, and they supported me and my family. Letting those go was a big risk, but one that I felt I had to take to continue the alignment process. The more I aligned the activities of my life to my vision of self, the more powerful became the energy around the work I was doing through the school. For a while I would occassionally look back to see if I needed to keep one foot in my old world just to be safe, but over time it was clear that that would not work. Fully committed and loaded with faith and trust in a process I didn’t fully understand, I keep moving forward.
Thanks so much Leon, it is such an inspiration as I see myself waiting at the same crossroad…this sharing has further strengthened my authentic light and to shine it on the pathway of my life purpose …in deep gratitude
Author
Keep on shining Ritesh!
I am completely moved by your inspiring story that reveals your struggle to be visible and to leave the “I must be seen as. . .” behind. I resonated with 100% of every word you just wrote. It is refreshing for me to have my love for the “safe cave” to be validated and shared by a fellow colleague and transformational coach who has also heard the calling to come out and help others to become authentic and accepted for who they really are and thrive.
This has been my struggle as well. I’m doing it, and I can personally attest to the fact that nothing has ever felt more exhilarating and so worth the deep inner work to transform the shame that causes us to hide in the cave. Thank you for reminding me that I am not the only one who has struggled to come out of the cave and be seen.
Author
You are surely not alone Judy, though it can feel like it when in the throes of it all. And you are so right, that the process of stepping out of our cave requires us to do the deep transformational work on our great vulnerability: our shame. That is one of its great gift, the ability to heal those deep, limiting thoughts. I honor you for doing the work, and becoming a wayshower for others.
here! here! or is it Hear! Hear! I had a similar change in perspective about “sales” when I thought of “sharing” myself as opposed to “selling” myself. In the end, as coaches, that is what we do – share ourSelves…thanks for a thought inspiring article Leon!
Author
Love that thought Lisa, that we share our Selves.
You came out of your cave and exposed yourself. You moved yourself through your fears and doubts. And here you stand, before us all, clearly and authentically.
As I stand trembling at what is in front of me, I am so moved by what you tell us.
Author
I know the trembling you speak of Sherry. You can do it. As cliche as it sounds, everything you need is within you. All the power, all the knowledge, all the courage, all the trust, all the spirit. Call it forth and it will lead and guide you. And if you need any support with it all, please don’t hesitate to ask. with light…Leon
This is inspiring.It only needs one of us to step out and stay alive for all us to follow.
Thank you Leon.Your stepping out has birthed this academy and we stand to benefit.
Author
Thank you for your gracious words Christine – it is always my hope that lives are inspired in some way by my words.
How beautiful for me to read your post today Leon, and all the comments of others who are also touched by it. There is graceful synchronicity in the timing as I crept out of my cave a couple of years ago, but only recently am standing tall and letting myself really be seen. I am now exploring being more visible in the world through such things as social media and starting a blog. I am also taking the breathtaking step of learning how to create videos…! It all feels rather dazzling and overwhelming. The container of my cave has become less comfortable and there is an energy in my heart that is expanding to carry me forward in ways that I might not have dreamt of years ago. I’m moving forward in trust and surrender, and allowing life to flow through me. I am so grateful that I am now able to see this as an adventure rather than something to be afraid of. It is also a blessing that touches me very deeply to be alongside other beautiful souls who are finding strength within their vulnerability and showing up to be seen with courage in their hearts.
Author
That is absolutely wonderful to hear Josie! The way of moving through life that you are describing is what it looks like to walk the path. In time, it will become easier and feel perfectly natural to express your highest self through all your creative endeavors.
Dearest Leon,
You are such a deep breath of fresh air! As I go through my own transformation, I have learned from your teaching and coaching to trust more, believe and surrender to a higher power and to trust in myself and my strengths; how to share them with others. However, I am still cautious about leaving the comfort of my cave. I have had all the social media stuff for a few years but have not made good use of it. I hang back thinking I’m protecting myself. Recently however, the Universe has presented me with a new opportunity, and though I hesitated at first, I did step out and grab the opportunity. We’ll see where I take it and where it takes me!
Thank you for awakening me to my heart centre and trusting.
Author
It will guide you, sustain you, clothe you, feed you, and love you…when you allow it. And allowing it you are Iris!
Dear Leon
You inspire, as always with your authentic sharing, stimulating deep reflection.
“Would I be authentic” , “Would I be safe” , “Would I be OK” … felt so like you had caught me on a CT scan. Reading on, talking of only way to respond to inner call … both helps me be clear of my self-doubt, as also validates my yet hazy answer to the churn within. Many thanks Leon for allowing a learning from your vast & rich wisdom stream. Its such a privilege to learn from you & deep coaching phenomenon. Stay inspired, keep inspiring.
Love & Light .. always
Neena
Author
Thank you for your gracious words Neena, you are truly welcome.
I think that your message is getting to my actual fears and struggle as I have been coaching from my cave for some years and I get anxious to get out of it. I mean really fearful and anxious. I can’t talk about this openly as it isn’t accepted from a coach who is helping people to jump outside their comfort zone and get over their fears to struggle to get out from the comfort of his cave and be more visible.
I wanted to write you about the subject but I can’t explain it as you do or to be more true I was judgmental about my fears. Writing this comment and making it public and visible is so hard to me but I decided to do it..
I am so glad that you didn’t hold back and decided to come forward. I’m personally very grateful as I’m sure so many of your students are too! I remember reading your article for the first time 3 years ago. I’ve came across it when I was in my DCI. At that time, the words made sense but I didn’t quite grasp the full meaning of your content. Now I know what you were talking about. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to allow myself to be vulnerable. And it’s okay to be afraid of what might happen and how will people react. But the thing is that I really love supporting people experiencing life from a place of love and inner peace. So, I’m going with my heart … After all, I came here to give …
Author
Thank you so much for saying so Corina. I admit, at the time it was terrifying–all the fears you mention were there, in spades–but the pull to step into such a space was even more powerful. The question kept arising, ‘what else is life for, but for this?’ So yes, go with your heart and you will live a life that stands as testimony to what it means to truly live.
Thank you Leon for this article. It’s timely for me as I too am working through the ‘shame’ limiting belief of being afraid to show who I truly am, afraid what people might think of me. But with this article, I am grateful that going forward only brings greatness and deeper alignment in our lives and I too am on a similar journey right now moving through all of the fear to allow for my authentic expression to come through to reach more people. Thank you once again!
Author
What you are experiencing is such a normal part of the path of transformation, albeit a deeply uncomfortable one. Stay with it Shara.
For the large portion of my life, I have lived outside the cave and enjoyed it greatly – build a very successful business and loved being visible …. then I discovered Coaching, which is what I call my Homecoming, I discovered that my spiritual pursuits (which was my cave) could find an expression through Coaching and I embraced going into the cave for the very first time, fully and I love it !!!
So its been a reverse gear for me …. the world who has seen me as this enthusiast waving a placard on the highway now are worried about my well being !!!
Giving myself the permission to choose to be in the cave and pop whenever I wish, has transformed my coaching practice from a business to an offering, from selling a service to an intention to serve, the desire to build a practice to a desire to teach what I learn ….. the soul searching has made its way to the bank account naturally
Author
I loved hearing how the reverse happened for you, thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for these inspired and inspiring thoughts. With them, you truly have communicated that you have and are committed to continue to “stand naked in New York.” I didn’t realize that I needed to read them at this time and am grateful to have done so. I think that I can inch a bit further out of the shadow of my cave. After all, that’s what I have been called to do.
Author
And all the power in the world stands in support of you as you do Khorsian!
I was almost holding my breath reading this article Leon. I kept thinking ‘he’s writing about me’! I am in the cave, feel a strong calling to find the courage to step out and be seen. What’s holding me back? A fear that I will have to conform to a way of being, of sharing my work in a way that doesn’t feel right to me. However, I can no longer refuse the call, I have to find a way out that allows me to be the conductor of my own orchestra. Hence my decision to participate in the DCI starting in a couple of weeks. It is so good to know that I am not alone in the cave! Thanks Leon.
Author
There are many shared patterns that those on the transformational path experience, and this is one of them. I love hearing about that moment when people say, like you have Yvonne, “I can no longer refuse the call.” Life begins to unfold in the most amazing ways once resistance is dropped. It is assuredly not an easy path to travel, but richly rewarding. Looking forward to connecting with you in the DCI!
Dear Leon,
I really enjoyed reading your article today. It spoke to me like nothing else because the last few months I have been writing and reflecting a lot. I have written close to 100 blogs or more but at first all was done anonymously. I did not want to share it with anyone, not even my family. But before the start to this year I decided to go public and go on social media. And when I did it. I felt like something just opened up for me. A new world. A new opportunity which I am not sure what. Looking forward to learning from you.
Author
Thank you for stopping by and your words of appreciation Roshni. Fantastic to hear you found the inspiration to go public with your words and message. I know taking that first step can be difficult, but the world needs you fully expressed!